Honoring All Mothers
by Maggie Macaulay, MS Ed
Whole Hearted Parenting, www.wholeheartedparenting.com, (954) 483-8021

REPRINTED WITH PERMISSION FROM PARKLAND LIFE MAGAZINE

We honor our mothers this month.  Our mothers keep us safe, tenderly look after
us when we are sick, teach us to brush our teeth, inform us about the world, let
us know when we have broken an agreement or crossed a line of behavior, and
advise us on how to make friends.  Our mothers are our first love.  In addition to
honoring these women who nurture and enrich us, I would like to honor mothers
who may receive very little recognition on this day.  Some of these women may
not even be perceived as mothers by those who know them.  It may be their
secret.  Unless the mother has spoken of it, it is not obvious because she does
not live with the child she birthed.  She made the choice for adoption.     

These mothers include the young girl in the United States who is unsettled in her
life and wants her child to have the stability she cannot offer.  These mothers
include a woman in Guatemala whose circumstances limit her ability to care for
yet another child.   These mothers include a woman in China – under social
pressures we do not comprehend – who walks many miles to place her child at a
specific location where she knows someone will find her.  She hides and watches
to be sure the child is found.  She begins the long walk home.  Rather than
calling this “abandonment,” on this Mother’s Day, let’s look for the depth of her
commitment to her child.  Her efforts made the adoption plan happened.  Her
efforts – along with the efforts of other mothers in China who made the decision
for adoption – created 7,906 American mothers in 2005.  Let’s honor these
mothers from around the world who chose adoption.

These mothers include women in circumstances of infinite variety all of whom
make a huge decision at a challenging time in their lives.  Unless we walk in their
shoes, we cannot fully imagine the pressures from within and without.  We hold a
high bar in our country on responsibility.  We have created a sometimes rigid
ideal image of motherhood.  That high bar and that ideal image may exclude
women who choose adoption.  Like women who miscarry or whose bodies fail to
conceive, where can they go to grieve their loss and recognize their significance?  
In 2006, there remains too much secrecy and too little support.  On this Mother’s
Day, let’s look for how truly responsible and loving their decision was.  Let’s
honor these mothers who chose adoption.   

These mothers give the gift of their ancestry.  The children of these mothers, and
I am one of them, carry their ancestry into the future.  That part of who we are
presents itself as we grow.  It unfolds.  As Kahil Gibran wrote in The Prophet,
“You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The
Archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His
might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the Archer's hand
be for gladness.”   On this Mother’s Day, let’s honor these mothers and hope that
their bending will be for gladness.  

These mothers made a decision that created two mothers in the world.  Our
world is bettered by that.  I hope that the true significance of this will sooth their
hearts when they feel sadness.   

And to the special mother who gave birth to me, I say thank you for your choice.  
Thank you for my red hair, my freckles, and my nose.  Thank you for sending me
forth.  You passed the bow to a magnificent woman who I miss more than I can
say.  Now I am her arrow into the future.   

Happy Mother’s Day to All Mothers.  May we all bend in the Archer’s hand for
gladness as our living arrows are sent forth.